Now, now, all you prudes out there. Don't get your panties in a wad. This is a quote from a book from one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore. Never heard of him? Chances are , if you are not an adventurous reader, you probably haven't. Here is the "Warning" accompanying his latest book, Fool.
"This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that's the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened upon the perfect story!" Read more...
Fool is modeled on Shakespeare's King Lear except told from the point of view of King Lear's fool, Fool. Fool is no fool. He knows how to fool everyone. And he does, fool, that is. Ok. Enough of that. Moore stays pretty close to the tale of King Lear but he has to work his Fool in some how and make it as bawdy, rowdy and lusty as he possibly can (Shakespeare also was a bawdy tale teller when he wasn't beheading someone or having a husband kill his wife). Moore accomplishes his goal with great zest ("and howling, grunting, screeching, yipping, squishing, slapping, laughter and no little bit of barking"). I will say that at times I did have difficulty keeping up with who was who and what was what, but that is also the case with King Lear. Also, Moore creates his own vocabulary, to mimic early English, but I think it detracts rather than adds to the writing. Uh oh. I think Moore's response would be: "You whore-son scalawag! You flesh -turd dropped stinking from the poxy arsehole of a harelipped harlot!!!!" I told you this wasn't for the fainthearted.
If you really want to get your panties in a wad, read Moore's Lamb:The Gospel According to Biff. It's told from the the point of view of Biff, the best friend of......drum roll please...Jesus. Yes, THE Jesus. As Moore says, "You think you know how this story is going to end, but you don't." As Carl Hiaasen (another of my favorite authors) says about Moore, "A very sick man, in the very best sense of the word".
A final few words from Fool (well, he didn't really say this, but I think he would!) which would convey my feelings of the world today, "F**ckstockings, there'll be buggery today!"