Thursday, April 29, 2010

Twisted Head Saga Part Three

Now I don't want you to think I'm whining. But, seriously, I am. This stupid spasmodic torticollis is really pissing me off. First of all, the Botox was supposed to be a miracle. Not. I think I told you it can take 2-3 weeks for those little toxins to reach the little brain cells (yes, I'm sure blond jokes will abound) that are telling my muscles to contract. So, I called the doc after just 9 days and said, "PLEASE HELP ME!". So, they "worked me in". 2 hours later I had another set of 15 shots of Botox in the neck muscles. You guys out there listen up. The neurologist said that it is clear to him that women can tolerate pain more then men. So there! Anyway, at night, in particular, my neck really spasms so I bought a cervical collar. Now what is pissing me off is that three things that I truly enjoy are being hampered by this malady. Golf. I lost a match the other day that I never should have lost. Ever try to read a breaking putt with your left should raised 5 inches higher than the other. I was missing 4 foot putts! Drat! Then, I can't cook the way I like. I have this great Shun Ken Onion Chef's Knife that my hubby gave me a few years ago. Sharp sharp sharp. Try chopping with your head bouncing around like a bobble doll. Dan Akroyd as Julia Child on SNL anyone? And finally reading and writing. Good thing this program has spell check because every other word is like thid . Hid yoi lije thia. And not being able to read, well, I have yet to find a comfortable position. The cervical collar helps. Maybe I should just download some to my ipod. So, here I sit, cervical collar on, typing you a note to let you know that that GD! Botox better work. Oh, and the doc says, this malady doesn't go away. Learn to live with it. I shall because we all know what the alternative is....

The Fairy Tale All Little Girls Should Read

This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us when we were little...

Once upon a time...in a land far away...a beautiful, independent self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess’ lap and said, “elegant lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you however, and I will turn back into the dapper young prince that I am and then my sweet...we can marry and set up housekeeping in your castle...with my mother...where you will prepare my meals...clean my clothes...bear my children and forever feel grateful and happy doing so”.

That night...as the princess dined sumptuously on lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and onion cream sauce, she chuckled...and thought to herself:

I don’t f**king think so...

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sibling Rivalry: Three Sisters and Their Story...

In a couple of weeks from now my OLDER sister and I are embarking on our first major trip together. I guess you could say it's not our first journey together because just by virtue of being sisters, we've been on a life long trip. We also have a younger sister who is 6 years younger than me. My older sister and I don't really know a whole lot about her because when she was 8 or 9, we were 14 and 16 and could have cared less about her other than for her to stay out of our way. My older sister, I'll call "G". She is 16 months older than me. Our relationship, from the time we were born until our thirties, was a tumultuous one. Read more...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Twisted Head Saga Continues

The last time I blogged about my torticollis I was awaiting an appointment for some Botox injections...which was to cure all ills. Oh, if life were so simple. If one could snap one's fingers and what you wanted appeared. Well, there has been no genie in a bottle for moi. There has been only disappointment and misinformation. My poison pen is directed at the mail order pharmacy Medco who has a contract with United Health Care to fulfill the prescriptions of UHC's insured. The crux of the biscuit, a favorite coinage by Frank Zappa, is that I should have shucked out the $1100 for the two vials and dealt with reimbursement later. But both the doctor's office as well as the insurance company ASSURED me that the Botox would be in the doc's office in a matter of days. Read more...

Monday, April 19, 2010

Come to Jamaica Pretty Lady

Let me tell you a story about a trip I took a few years back to the beautiful island of Jamaica.  When I was in the cruise business, I often had clients ask which of the islands in the Caribbean are the most beautiful. Well, for me, they are the islands formed by volcanoes that created beautiful seasides but gorgeous mountains such as  St. Lucia, Martinique, and,yes, Jamaica.  They are mountainous, have beautiful rivers and, for the most part, lush greenery. In other words, they're more than a few feet above sea level. I had been to Jamaica many times with my then, and soon to be ex, husband so this was my first trip solo (newly d-i-v-o-r-c-ed). Read more...

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

The Twisted Head

And, no, I'm not talking about the name of a pub in Scotland or perhaps Bill Clinton's supposed physical problem... Now Hairball, behave yourself. I'm talking about MY neck. Some of you who follow me on Face Book know that I've been diagnosed with torticollis. Spasmodic TorticollisI have Laterocollis. Read more...