We'll Always Have Paris: A Visit to Paris Staying in a Two* Hotel

I first visited Paris in 1978 as a chaperon to 8 high school kids on a "if it's Tuesday it must be Belgium" type of trip. What do I remember about that trip after all these years? One evening I saw a priest peeing in the street and that same night, a couple in an apartment across the street from our 2 star hotel, was making love with the window wide open and with the lights on. The four boys in my group were the ones who saw them first and came running down to my room to make sure I saw what was going on. Trying to get them to stop watching was like trying to keep a male lion away from a female lion in heat. Ah the French, so uninhibited. Over the years, I've had the good fortune to have returned to Paris a number of times. The one I want to tell you about is more of a travelogue story rather than a "oh my God, you won't believe what happened" kind of story. Our daughter had just spent 3 months studying Spanish at the University of Seville  (to say "studying" may be stretching it. I think studying partying was more like it). Since my husband and I hadn't been to Europe in a couple of years, we decided we would meet her in Paris and then she could fly home with us. Well, the best laid plans...We had chosen the weekend of the French Open and there were few hotels available. We had two choices, either the Ritz Carlton at $800 a night or the 2 star Hotel Des Deux Avenues  at $120 a night. Read more...

Gentle Giants

Lore has it that when cats used by sailors in the 18th century for rat eradication on board sailing vessels, jumped ship, they mated with either a raccoon or a lynx to create the first indigenous cat breed in the US, the Maine Coon cat. Many people unfamiliar with the bred say, oh yes, I know about them. They're those Man Coon cats. The reason the lore about the Maine Coon has to do with either the raccoon or lynx is because the Maine Coon exhibits the color pattern of the raccoon and the tuft of hair on the ears, like the lynx. The first cat show in the US was held in Madison Square Garden in 1895 and was won by, yes, the Maine Cat (as they were called then). The breed does originate in the state of Maine. And if it weren't for the fine people of Maine, the Maine Coon cat might have become extinct. After the MC (I'll abbreviate from now on) won the 1st cat show, they were the cat's meow. But then came the exotic Siamese and the Persian. The MC soon fell out of favor and breeding for show stopped. But the people of Maine, who knew and loved these cats for their stellar stealthing for rodents, kept breeding them. And then in the 1950's, the MC made a comeback and is now the second most popular purebred in the US (behind that skinny, feral faced, loud mouthed Siamese. I fart in your general direction). I have had the good fortune to have had a MC rescue, Frisky, who lived to be 20 years old. I now am owned by two 4 year old MC brothers, Kokopelli and Botticelli, or better known as Koko and Bocce. (Update...1/28/14...my boys are now 9 years old.) Read more...

Their. Wear? Common Spelling Mistakes

Yawn, eyes wander and glaze over. Skip to the next post or see what's cooking at the bitchy gourmet. All brought about by the tedium of... SPELLING! I signed up to submit articles to an online article distribution center. You submit articles and if someone wants to use your article, they have the right as long as they give you your due. Every so often they send out tips about writing. The following is one of them. Why is this important? Spell check won't do you one bit of good with these. They're all spelled correctly but they are so easy to misuse. Which one's bother you? For me, it is always #7 and #9. Although it is so easy to be thinking of something else and just automatically spell there as they're or their or thier :)). Students, heads up and if you don't pay attention, a rap across the knuckles! Bring in the police. Child abuse! (When I was in elementary school during the 60's, the superintendent's means of punishment was a wooden paddle with holes in it. It was called "Sputnik"!)

1. There vs. Their vs. They’re
* There is an indication of location. Example: I want to see that book over there.
* Their is a possessive version of they. Example: They took their dog to the groomer.
* They’re is a contraction, short for they are. Example: They’re going to the theatre tonight. Read more...

Would It Be So Awful If I Offaled You Ofal? (Oh, No, Puns!)

If you've ever watched the bad boy of cooking, Anthony Bourdain on No Reservations, then you know he'll eat anything. It's hard for me to believe he actually likes most of what he eats. I was recently watching the one episode where he eats a goat's rectum that has been cooked in ashes. Hey, Anthony, do you carry a portable "throne" with you? Now, wow, that was one piece of good ass. We could go off on some good one liners with that. But Anthony, was the offal really not so awful? If you note, oh great foodies, that offal is showing up on many restaurant menus as a way to keep things interesting. For those of you who aren't in the know, like me, offal is the entrails and internal organs of butchered animals. No Peta and vegetarians allowed with this post! According to Wikepedia, the origin of the word "offal" is probably Germanic , "abfall", and means "garbage". Germans really have a way with words, don't they. Let me just share a little bit of the the bitchy gourmet's personal history. I was raised on a working ranch in South Texas. When my Dad butchered a calf for our consumption, everything that came from that steer was for our consumption. Sweetbeards, tongue, liver, heart, brains, and tripe. I grew up eating that stuff. So for me, these big city chefs aren't cooking anything new. But my mother never would have made brined pork belly or cold lamb's brain on toast. She'd never put that with toast! Anyway, I've had the pleasure of eating at Mario Batali's fine NYC eatery, Babbo, and Mario offers nothing so tempting as goat rectum, but sweetbeards, tongue, and calf's liver. He has "offered "Testa", which is a sausage made by boiling the head of a pig, skimming off the bits of brain, gristle, and other effluvia that bubble to the surface, and turning it into salami."* Thomas Keller of the French Laundry offers an explanation to all of this offal stuff: "It's easy to cook a filet mignon, or to saute a piece of trout, serve it with browned butter a la meuniere, and call yourself a chef. But that's not real cooking. That's heating. Preparing tripe, however, is a transcendental act."*

Here is a fun list of offals that are offaled around the world. Enjoy them as you travel the great globe:

Scotland: Haggis, sheep stomach stuffed with a boiled mix of liver, heart, lungs, rolled oats and other ingredients (that scares me if they won't list them) 

Greece: Kokoretsi, pieces of lamb offal (liver, heart, spleen, kidney, fat) are pierced on a spit and covered by washed intestine wound around in a tube like fashion

Italy: Trippa, boiled intestines, often served with tomato sauce or "pani ca meusa", bread with spleen and caciocavallo cheese

Spain: Criadillas, bull testicles, reminds of a very old joke about the guy who goes to a restaurant and sees a parade of waiters bringing in a big tray, placing it in front of a guy, and with a huge flourish, unveils two huge grilled bull testicles. The guy watching wants in on the act. Asks the waiters to put him on the list to possibly eat the testicles of the bull who lost that day in the bull ring. Finally, his big day comes and they unveil the tray with a flourish and there are these two small grilled testicles. What happened, he cries? Oh, senior, sometimes, the bull, he wins. Drum roll please.

And finally Asia: Wu Gen Chang Wang, a spicy stew with preserved mustard, tofu, pork intestine slices and congealed pork blood cubes

I think I'll have a bowl of cornflakes, thank you very much.

*Taken from a Slate article by Patrick Keefe, Offal Good, 4/22/04

The Real Spam and Yes, It's Edible

Monty Python sings:

Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spaaam!Lovely Spaaam! Wonderful Spam.Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am.Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!)Lovely Spaaam! (Lovely Spam!)Lovely Spaaam!Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaam, Spaaaaaam! 

What in the world made me think about Spam? Well, I was reading a review of the touring "Spamalot" and that's what brought on silly thoughts. "I fart in your general direction", "I'm not dead yet" and "Bring me a shrubbery!" And that segued into remembering that Austin, Texas (Keep Austin Weird) used to and still does have a Spam cooking competition. Now the Bitchy Gourmet is always intrigued by anything that goes on in her favorite town in Texas (Maybe in the whole US of A!). If you have not been to Austin, you are missing out man. The live music capital of the world, the South by Southwest Music Festival, hiking trails, biking trails, wild flowers, 6th street, Barton Creek, Barton Creek Resort and golf. Now, that's MY kind of town. But let's get back to Spam spam spam spam. Here's how the Spam cooking contest began:

Excerpts From The Official SPAMARAMA™ Cookbook by David Arnsberger:

It was the early spring of 1976. Dick Terry and I were fraternizing one afternoon and Dick was bellyaching about how chili cook-offs had become so common-place." I mean, anybody can cook chili." Dick observed, "All you need is some kinda meat, some water, chili powder, comino, and maybe some cayenne, garlic, and/or onion, and you got yer basic chili. If you're from north of the Red River, you might throw in some kinda beans, but basically, that's about all it takes to make 'chili.'" " Yeah, not much of a challenge there, is it?" I responded.
" Now if someone could make SPAM® edible," Dick continued, "That would be a challenge. We ought to have a a 'SPAM®-Off.'"" Yeah, a 'SPAMARAMA™!'" I blurted out. "We could ask George Majewski over at Soap Creek Saloon if he'd like to host it, and we could have it on April Fool's Day." " Let's do it!" Dick agreed.
And that, in a nutshell, is the beginning of the very first, longest running and funnest SPAM® event in the history of the entire universe. I never thought that it would last more than a year or two. I never thought it would attract more than a handful of Spamophiles who had been cooking and eating the infamous potted pork product since World War II. I never thought there were so many things you could make out of SPAM®!But I was wrong! .......David Arnsberger

The Potentate of Potted Pork Parties

And here is a description of the Spamness itself:


Excerpt from the Daily Texan
SPAM® Takes the City by Storm!By Dan Kleiner On April 1, a torch left New York City headed for Austin with a can of SPAM sitting atop it where the fire should have been. When a girl ran with the torch through the gates of Waterloo Park on Saturday, it began the 26th year of a festival inspired by the meat product that fed England during World War II.
SPAMARAMA™ drew thousands - an estimated 8,000 to 9,000 people - to the park for music, food, rides and the SPAMALYMPICS. " SPAMARAMA™ has gone through a lot of changes, and this year is no different," said Norman Kieke, the executive director of Disability Assistance of Central Texas, SPAMARAMA™'s main sponsor. "It grew out of a small neighborhood function and gets better every year. We are always very excited."
The SPAM®-related festival started out small as an alternative event to April Fools' Day barbecues at the original Soap Creek Saloon. It has since moved to Waterloo Park and picked up the support of Kieke's organization, which receives 50 percent of the proceeds and uses them to provide employment support, technology training and general assistance to disabled Central Texans.
Local rock band Uranium Savages opened the festival and the second event, a SPAM® toss, began the SPAMALYMPICS. The youngest competitor, 11-year-old Alex Hager, opened the SPAM® calling contest, which is just like hog calling but with the word "SPAM®." His unique call, a series of armpit noises followed by a call of "Here SPAM®, here SPAM®!" took the gold medal.
Returning to defend their title in the SPAM® toss were Mark and Cody Mikeska, a father-son team with four previous SPAM® tosses under its belt. SPAM® tossers throw a chunk of SPAM® to each other at increasing distances until someone drops it. After three rounds of flying SPAM®, which sometimes christened spectators with SPAM® juice, the defending champions were pitted against two other teams. The Mikeskas won the 2004 championship. "The key is getting enough elevation under the SPAM®," Mark Mikeska said after their victory.
Many groups occupied tents, including 10-year SPAMARAMA™ veterans the Squealage People. The men dressed up as the Village People with pig-like modifications. Nathan Hinds, who drove from San Marcos for the festival, said he was particularly proud of their accomplishments this year. "Today we have a concoction called 'Queer Pork on a Straight Fork'," Hinds said. "We have won the 'Worst Taste' award eight of the last nine years, and we're darned proud of that."
After sampling the creations of various culinary artists, spectators saw the most heated and controversial SPAMARAMA™ event - the Collegiate SPAM® Relay. The race pitted UT students against contestants from Texas A&M University in a relay. It started out dead even, but by the final SPAM® handoff, the Aggies had gained a slight lead. UT's Randy Gonzalez, a 23-year-old chemical engineering senior, narrowed the lead but lost control of the SPAM® in the last few seconds. Victory went to Texas A&M, inciting booing and calls for a rematch from the crowd
After a short break, people began surging forward, pushing and leaning to get as close to the stage as possible for the final event. For years, the SPAM®-eating contest was known as the SPAM® cram. This year, the International Federation of Competitive Eating sponsored the event, bringing with it Rich and Carlene LeFevre, two of the world's most renowned eaters. The couple whizzed through SPAM® burgers, and Carlene performed her trademark "Carlene bounce," jumping up and down to settle food in her stomach. After the final bell, Rich came out on top, having eaten just more than six 12-ounce SPAM® burgers. Carlene won second place with just under five. When asked about the level of competition, Rich LeFevre said, "I was only worried about Carlene."
With the conclusion of the Spamalympics came the awards presentation for the cook-off winners. The Squealage People successfully defended their Worst Taste title with "Queer Pork on a Straight Fork," and the Lone Star Cafe-sponsored Spalamo team won the Best in Show prize for its Alamo-shaped SPAM® appetizers.

And if the above makes your mouth water, here's a delectable recipe for your enjoyment. Bon Appetito Your Weirdness!

CRICKET'S SPAM QUICHE Meats, Eggs Yield: 4 servings

1 c Coarsely chopped mushrooms

5 T Butter/margarine

1 c Finely crushed stone wheat -crackers

1/4 c Green onions, sliced

1/4 c Brown onions, chopped

3/4 c Monterey Jack cheese

3/4 c Medium Sharp Cheddar cheese, -grated

3/4 c Mozzarella cheese, grated

1 c Ricotta cheese

4 ea Eggs

1/4 t Cayenne pepper

1/4 t Paprika

1/4 c Milk

1 ea Cooked artichoke

1/4 c Green bell pepper, chopped

1/4 c Red bell pepper, chopped

1 cn Spam, shredded



Saute mushrooms in 3 Tbs butter until limp. Stir in the crushed crackers, then turn into well greased 10-inch round quiche pan. Press mushroom mixture evenly over bottom of dish and up the sides. Melt remaining butter, add onions, saute and add shredded Spam. Layer shredded cheeses and Spam in dish. In blender, whirl the eggs, ricotta, milk and cayenne until smooth. Pour into crust and sprinkle with paprika. Place sauteed red and green bell peppers on top. Bake in oven at 375 for 40 to 45 mins. Garnished with cooked artichoke.

Now if that isn't weird enough for you, then you're weird......

Whatever You Do, DON'T RUN! The Best Advice a Guide in Africa Can Give

That is one of the first things you learn when you go on an African safari...DON'T RUN! Apparently, to the wildlife, that makes you look like food. I just finished reading a delightful memoir by Peter Allison entitled, Whatever You Do, Don't Run! True Tales of a Botswana Safari Guide.  He regales the reader with numerous tales of near death experiences, stupidity (on his part and the customers)as well as showing us his great appreciation for all wildlife and nature. He categorizes nationalities this way: that you need to get "beyond the arrogance of the French, the volume of the Americans, the snobby, reservedness of the English, the drunkenness of the Australians, and the utter lack of humor of the Germans (the ya ya's)". It's a great book for the armchair traveler as well bringing back found memories for those who have been on safari. As Peter regales you with his stories, I will regale you with one of mine.  For those of us who have been lucky enough to go on safari, we know that there are times when you might accidentally come into contact with a lion or hippo (the most dangerous of all animals in Africa) or leopard. When we were in the Okavango Delta in Botswana, we had the pleasure of a lioness visiting us in our camp. Here's how it went. Most luxury camps have a dining hall separate from the accommodations and next to the dining hall is "bush TV". Read more...

Will There Be Heinous F**kery? Book Review on Christopher Moore Books

Now, now, all you prudes out there. Don't get your panties in a wad. This is a quote from a book from one of my favorite authors, Christopher Moore. Never heard of him? Chances are , if you are not an adventurous reader, you probably haven't. Here is the "Warning" accompanying his latest book, Fool. 

"This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity, as well as non-traditional grammar, split infinitives, and the odd wank. If that sort of thing bothers you, then gentle reader pass by, for we endeavor only to entertain, not to offend. That said, if that's the sort of thing you think you might enjoy, then you have happened upon the perfect story!" Read more...

A Tribute to My Dad

Today is the 5Th anniversary of the death of my dad. For those of us who have lost a parent, we know that over time the pain lessens. I am not yet an adult "orphan". My husband is. He lost both of his parents 8-10 years ago. My husband often has dreams of his parents, and I always tell him when he dreams of them, that that is their way of keeping in touch and staying in his memory. I don't have dreams of my dad but, then again, I'm not a prolific dreamer like my husband. But there are many other ways that I cherish his memory. I guess you get to a different age from the one where you dread the call in the middle of the night regarding your teenager. No. This dreaded call is the one where one of your parents has fallen and broken a hip or worse, one of them has a devastating illness. My dad had been ill for some time. Somehow he had developed bleeding ulcers which caused a severe loss of blood and really did a number on him. My dad was a big, strong robust guy. 6"1', 185 pounds and a real looker. He had hair like Ronald Reagan. When I went to see him in the hospital, he had shrunk both mentally and physically. He was no longer the outgoing, talkative, argumentative dad I knew and loved. His illness had exacerbated his Alzheimer's and he was now in the 2ND stage. Read more...

Please Don't Tell Me I'm Like My Mother! Mother Daughter Relationships

Have you ever said to yourself, "Oh, please don't let me turn out to be like my mother"! Every once in a while, I catch myself doing or saying something that is typical of my mother. Don't do that, I say to myself. I guess that is negative thinking because I know I inherited from my mother the two very important traits of self reliance and independence. Here's what I mean. In the 1950's my father was in the Air Reserves and was gone 2 weeks out of every month. We lived on a working ranch about 10 miles from town. Our nearest neighbors were an elderly couple who had no phone. On one side of the ranch was a creek called Peach Creek which was a tributary of the Lavaca River. Our house was a big old stone house that sat on a rise in the middle of the ranch. Whenever it rained a great deal, the land around our house would flood. Because we had a septic tank, during or after a flood you had to be careful lifting the seat on the toilet. There may be a water moccasin in there. So, when it flooded, here was my mother alone with my sister and I and with no way to get out or no way for anyone to get in. I guess I was 3 or 4 at the time and my older sister was 5 or 6, when we had a really bad flood. My father was gone. I don't remember the exact circumstances as to why my mother felt we needed to leave, but my mother got one of our horses, Nancy, saddled her up, got my sister and I up behind her and off we went with Nancy swimming part of the way. We went to our neighbors and they put us in their 1940's pick up truck to take us to town. When my mother was in her 40's, she decided to get her GED and go to college and get her degree. She then taught elementary math for 25 years. She has an independence streak and a healthy dose of self reliance. I know I have these traits in me. My husband says it scares him because he knows that I can get along just fine without him. But those same traits also attracted me to him. Read more...

Sex, Victorian England and Vampires

"I was afraid to raise my eyelids, but looked out and saw perfectly under the lashes. The fair girl went on her knees, and bent over me, fairly gloating. There was a deliberate voluptuousness which was both thrilling and repulsive, and as she arched her neck she actually licked her lips like an animal, till I could see in the moonlight the moisture shining on the scarlet lips and on the red tongue as it lapped the white sharp teeth. Lower and lower went her head as the lips went below the range of my mouth and chin and seemed to fasten on my throat. I could feel the soft, shivering touch of the lips on the super sensitive skin of my throat, and the hard dents of two sharp teeth, just touching and pausing there. I closed my eyes in a languorous ecstasy and waited - waited with beating heart." (Chapter 3) 

So writes Bram Stoker in the classic horror thriller, Dracula. I first read Dracula when I was in high school and I know it didn't occur to me what Stoker was trying to do. Write a book about sex without actually writing about sex. In other words, Dracula is a metaphor for sexually suppressed Victorian England. Say what? OK, let's do it this way. Victorian England was the time during which Queen Victoria was queen (duh), from 1837-1901. During this period, women had no rights WHATSOEVER. They had no independent legal status, no right to any money, no right to make out a will (why did she need to, she couldn't own anything), and she had no claim to her children. If, when her husband died he wished to leave the kids to someone else, he could. As far as sex, well, the upper and middle class girls, if around men, had to be escorted at all times. Premarital sex was a big no no. All a girl could do was perhaps give a squeeze of the hand or a brief small kiss on the cheek. If the upper and middle class men wanted sex, they either had it with the servants or with a prostitute. So, in this environment, Stoker wrote Dracula. It is generally agreed that the novel is about suppressed sexuality, especially female sexuality. There are 5 women in the novel four of which are vampires. Lucy, a prim, proper girl at the beginning of the novel is turned into a shameless slut once Dracula has her drink his blood from his chest. A strong sexual yearning in a woman during the Victorian age was feared. It would tear the fabric of their society! Anyway, when Dracula has Lucy drink from his chest, many critics ascertain that that is the sexual act, as in sex, exchanging of bodily fluids. OK then. And the staking of a vampire was equivalent to penetration. OK then.

So, flash to modern times. There have been numerous Dracula movies, and in this progression, Dracula just gets sexier and sexier. Enter Ann Rice and her Vampire series. Who can forget the ultimate vampires of Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt? Good enough to eat. Of course, there's the teen sensation of the Twilight series. But, since the books cater to adolescents, there is very little sexuality. I just finished reading the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlain Harris. HBO created a series based on these books, True Blood. Now the vampires in these Sookie books are uber sexual. The sex scenes between Sookie and her guy, Bill, are hot, hot, hot. Since some vamps (like Bill) are hundreds of years old, they have had PLENTY of sex and have acquired quite a sexual repertoire. Sounds good to me.....If you want some mindless drivel to pass the time or to just have some fun reading to close out the "real" world, read these novels by Harris. You'll be yearning for more True Blood.....

My favorite quote from Dracula? "I never drink.....wine".

Who Says You Have To Be Young to Get It On!

Want to satisfy your curiosity as to what your sex life will be like as a senior citizen? Read on. It may not be what you suspect......
This from the NY Post and Fox News:
"Villages" Retirement Home is Widower's Sex Paradise 




Welcome to ground zero for geriatrics who are seriously getting it on.It's a Thursday night at one of a half-dozen hot spots at the 20,000-acre Central Florida complex called The Villages, the largest gated retirement community in America — and one of the most popular destinations for New Yorkers in their golden years — where the female-to-male ratio runs 10 to 1.It's a widower's paradise, and the word on the street is that there's a big black market for Viagra.Though The Villages — which spans three counties with 40,000 homes and more than 70,000 residents — boasts 34 golf courses, nine country clubs, two downtown squares and a slew of restaurants and bars, getting lucky is one of the residents' primary pastimes.The huge complex began growing rapidly in the mid-1990s, and reported cases of gonorrhea rocketed from 152 to 245, of syphilis rose from 17 to 33, and of chlamydia from 52 to 115 among those 55 and older in Florida from 1995 to 2005.The state's sexually transmitted disease rate among those over 65 is one of the fastest growing in the country, one report claims. Read more...

The Monster of Florence

I'm taking a second look at this book because of the recent decision by an Italian high court to throw out the acquittal of Amanda Knox and revisit the case. Douglas Preston, mystery author, has become very involved in the case.  He even wrote a new preface to The Monster of Florence explaining why he believes she is innocent.  He also has a 99 cent Kindle article about the use of the internet and social media to demonize and destroy people's lives i.e. Amanda Knox.  PLUS a movie has been made that is coming out in 2013 based on the book and stars George Clooney as Douglas Preston.  Since George has a villa on Lake Como, he didn't have to go too far to be in this movie. If you have not read any of the Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child mystery thrillers, then you're missing out on some fun reading. In order to bring you some further chills and thrills, Douglas Preston moved his family to Tuscany to try and find some new plot threads. Not a bad place to try and find story threads plus some great food and wine. This move resulted in his 2008 book, The Monster of Florence. Read more...